Five News Flashes For Today

1. The UPS Man is NOT on my list of favorite men right now. Still no coffeemaker.

2.We’re not headed into a recession. Bush said so. Economists disagree but that doesn’t really matter. We have our President’s word on the subject.
(you know, the same Prez who lied to us all over 900 times in a 2 year period. So very trustworthy!)

3.If you mention out loud that you’re thinking of having someone autograph your ass so you can have it permanently tattooed there, the man in your life is sure to try to assert his Alpha Male status and act all territorial.

4. I would never have someone’s name tattooed on my ass but I do like the reaction it gets when I mention doing such a thing

5. My washing machine is frozen ,which means Mount Washmore is ascending higher and higher.

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My daily morning cocktail the past few morning has been prenatal vitamins (because of the mega doses of vitamins and not the prenatal part,obviously) chased down with a soy protein shake. The protein shake is rather gross but I can get it down as long as I don’t smell it. It smells like baby formula and we all know how I feel about that. I was rummaging in the cupboard yesterday for something to make it a little more appetizing. My choices were Godiva liquer or Bailey’s. Neither really seemed the right choice so I just chugged through it.

I have little appetite the past several weeks. I’m a firm believer in how you treat your body being a huge part of mental health and realize that the lack of nutrients going into my body on top of the hormonal surges are not helping me at all so hence the new Morning Cocktail.

I do feel better.

There’s also something to be said about the assertion by mental health professionals that you can tell the state of a person’s mental health by looking at their house. My house is just as cluttered and illogical as my mind at the moment. My goal today is to kick some as on the house and try to mirror it in state of mind.

Besides, some man I live with has begun complaining that I’ve falling from my Domestic Goddess status. Pfft on him.

Last week I mentioned to hubby that I was going to buy the Serenity/Firefly comics. I honestly did not think I’d meet resistance but he groused about how I shouldn’t be spending money on that,blah blah blah.

I found it odd considering that nothing strikes fear into the heart of this man more than tossing out the threat of,“I know where you keep your comic book collection and I have an ebay account”. I’m sure he’s just trying to prove a point since I bitch a lot about his irresponsible and unnecessary spending.

This morning before he left for work, I felt like a tiny bit of a child asking for change for the gumball machines when I asked,”So,if I clean the kitchen completely spotless today, can I order the Firefly comics?”

I may have even added, “Pretty please?”.

I got a “We’ll see”.

Sadly, this is how I’m going to motivate myself to get the kitchen done today.As much as I like the Comic Book Reward System, I think the The Blow Job Reward System will save us more money. Hmmm.

I walked out into a winter not-so-wonderland this morning to take Maia to school, with the temp reading 5 degrees but the “Real Feel” being 10 below. The sun was bright and shining,though and Maia said,”Look, Mother Nature is happy!”

Being that I am not a morning person, nor do I like snow or cold, I mumbled,”Ha! I think Mother Nature hates us.”

Maia gasped,”What?! No,no…the sun is shining, she’s happy.Here is what you need to know about Mother Nature -
The trees are her lungs, the grass is her hair.The snow…that’s the blanket she puts down for the earth to keep it warm in the winter.
When it rains,she’s sad.
The people…ALLLLL the people…even the ones in China,Africa,the United States….everywhere….and even famous people, like Miley Cyrus…they’re all her kids.

The animals…well, I don’t know.They might be her kids ,too but mostly I think they’re just her friends.

And that,Mama…is what you need to know about Mother Nature.”

Point taken.After all, most of this that she taught me,is things she learned from me. I guess every now and then, I need to be reeducated on the ways of Mother Nature.
I still hate walking her to school when it feels like 10 below,though.

I have been waiting and waiting for The UPS Guy to make a stop at my house. I have seen him drive past my house 3 times today and once, he even stopped out front. I was very excited at the prospect of Mr UPS Man coming to my door, with my new coffeemaker in hand.

It was a false alarm. The package was for my neighbor.

I have been coffee-free for weeks now . Weeks! I have a newfound understanding why heroin addicts have relapses after going through detox. Even after going through the caffeine withdrawl headaches and jittery twitches, I still want it.At odd points through my day, I will feel an overwhelming urge to hold a hot cup of java in my hands. I can almost smell the delicious aroma of fresh brewed coffee and see the beautiful ebony liquid turning into a lucious cafe au lait color as the milky white cream splashes into it,swirling in a whirpool until perfectly blended.

I don’t usually let myself fantasize beyond that point. It’s too torturous.

I am in love with coffee and I remarked yesterday to my girls, “If The UPS Man brings my new coffeemaker today, he will be my most favorite man on earth and I will love him forever.”

Emily asked,”Well, what if he’s all ew and skanky looking?”

Clouded by the thought of a coffeemaker in his hands, I painted a glowing picture of The UPS Man on our route as being quite a handsome man and added, “He has nice legs,too.”

Ever since this admission that I have actually noticed what the UPS Guys legs look like, the girls have delighted in tormenting me by telling everyone,”Mommy is in love with the UPS Man. She likes his legs.” At one point today, the brown UPS truck sped past our house and Emily said,”Oh,look there goes that UPS Man and his nice legs…driving away with your new coffeepot.”

They have found many other ways to work the UPS Man into conversation,too. I have a feeling I will never live this down.

Lets just pray that when he does finally show up with my coffeemaker, they don’t answer the door and share with him something like,”Hi. My Mom loves you and thinks you have nice legs!”

Maybe I should send them to Grandma’s for the week. They can come home when I have wrestled my new coffeemaker from The UPS Guy’s (strong and manly yet tender and loving) hands.

Last night I decided to be through with suppressing all the bad feelings and just let it all out. It’s amazing how cleansing and healing a good cry is.

Not that I feel myself entirely out of The Blues but the release of emotions helped.

I feel like I’ve lost the last entire month of my life. As someone who sees time on earth as being valuable, that makes me unbelievably sad.

I’m really quite a wreck these days but putting up a brave front, even though I realize I have a perfectly valid reason for being an unholy mess of a girl at the moment.

At the risk of offering TMI, I’m 4 weeks post-miscarriage and still bleeding. The dr at the clinic isn’t concerned…but obviously, this is a long time to be bleeding and it’s bound to have physical effects on the way I feel,too. I’m exhausted,weak,bordering anemic. To make matters worse, the raging hormones have me insanely horny and of course…Dr Sex Nazi from the clinic shook a finger at me and said, “No sex for you!” with a perfect Soup Nazi impression.

“No sex” means …not a tongue,not a finger,not a sex toy,not a penis. Nada.

I’ve always held some faith in the theory that sex fixes everything and have some belief that some good sex would have some beneficial healing,at least on my soul. I understand the medical reasons but it still doesn’t help me feel better about the doctor’s orders.

As bad as that all is though, the emotional crap is still hardest for me to cope with. I’m not overtly emotional normally so the sudden overwhelming need to cry,emotional outbursts, bouts of impatience and just plain sadness is tough for me. I just want to be left alone, with my own thoughts and get lost in a semi-fugue state for just a little bit.

I’m alarmed at my apathetic outlook on life at the moment. About the only thing that I usually enjoy that comes close to making me happy is music,but even that doesn’t have the same joy it usually does.
We ‘re expecting a whopper of a snowstorm here and oddly enough, I’m looking forward to it. It means I’ll have an actual excuse to not leave the house.

1. Oh my god, I hate Nicki

2. Neko Case is my new girl crush

3. The word from Bob’s female co-workers is that I am an odd woman for thinking nipple piercings are hot.

4.For me, The Nestle Boycott will never end. Baby Milk Action says the boycott will continue until Nestlé accepts and complies with Baby Milk Action’s four-point plan for saving infant lives. For me personally, the harm can’t be undone just because they cease their harmful operating policies. When a person is responsible for another person’s death, we don’t just let it go because they say they won’t ever do it again.Since there isn’t anyone willing to dole out punishment to the Nestle Corporation for the lives lost, it’s up to consumers to send a message, now and always.

5.Although NY in Winter provides many beautiful photographic moments, it still sucks and I hate it with a passion.

Out of the blue, Dmitri just informed us all that, “When I was born,I was an elephant. I went like this - *trumpeting noise*”

“Now, I’m just a boy. But when I was a baby, I was an elephant!”

This explains a lot, especially the whole stuck-in-my-pelvis-for-what-seemed-like-forever-during- birthing thing.

Been thinking about making the switch from Blogger to WordPress and thought I’d try it out first with a photoblog: Memory in the Raw

Today’s post was View from my Window This Morning and Portrait of a Mama by a 2 Year Old (photos taken this morning of me by Dmitri)

Here’s a preview of my photo shoot w/ my budding little photographer….

Today I am less angry at the hubby for his failed mission to buy bicycles and a coffeepot and (in my opinion) frivolous purchases yesterday. I ordered the new coffee pot online last night and really, since we have another month or two or 12 of snow here, the bikes can wait.

In addition to my new coffeepot,I also now have a husband with a nipple piercing. This was another one of those things he came home with that I hadn’t quite been expecting but definitely one I’m not as pissed about.

Well, actually…last night I was thinking, “If he thinks he can just flash a nipple piercing at me and make me forget about the other stuff, he’s dead wrong!Maybe by the time it heals, I’ll be on speaking terms with him and his nipple again.”

He ended up only getting one done because you know…pain and whatnot.Pfft.As he put it yesterday, “See what I do to make you happy? I endured pain!”.

I gave birth to two of his children. If he had gotten both nipples pierced,I might just say we’re even….but probably not.

This morning I sent the hubby on a mission : to purchase my new coffee maker and bicycles for all 3 girls.

He came home with NO coffee maker and NO bicycles,yet spent a considerable amount of money that makes me want to cry and throw up whenever I think about it.

He didn’t even go look for the coffeepot BUT I did get new shoes that I hate and don’t look like anything I would ever wear in a million years (and won’t because they’re going back to the store). The 7 year old got a new necklace that cost more than any one thing I’ve ever bought for any of our children (nor think any one really should) and we now have a ton of other things I never asked for and didn’t want which costs money that I really would rather have back in our bank account where it belongs.

I am one pissed off bitch at the moment.