This week I decided to do some  things.

I decided that I’m going to write/create a collage novel that is not disjointed and surreal. It will actually make sense to someone other than myself and won’t just be something cool to look at when you’re stoned.

When I started using eyes cut from a Dolce & Gabbana model to use as windows in a building and cutting out dresses from INStyle Magazine to dress animals from Ranger Rick, I realized I probably wasn’t going to succeed.

I informed Bob of my plans. He said,”Great!”, like he was trying to be a good encouraging husband who supports every creative endeavor I pursue. Then came the addition of,”And how about the 300 other works in progress you’ve got going on?”.

Yeah,yeah.I know.My ADD gets the better of me. As I explained to him,”I’m a Pisces”. To which he replied,”You don’t even believe in astrology. Why do you always use your Piscesness as an excuse for everything?”

“Pisces are highly creative and have nonlinerar thought processes and short attention spans  and that in itself is THE creative process.”, I told him.

“You just made that up,didn’t you?”

Yeah,pretty much.

So.I decided to finish one of the 300 other art & writing projects I’ve had going on for gods-knows-how-long. While pondering which one to dedicate (most of) my time and attention to, I realized I was a little chilly.I went to grab a sweater but couldn’t find one that didn’t look stupid with what I was wearing.

I decided I needed a new lightweight cardigan, a black one that matches with everything. I unearthed all my knitting patterns and found the perfect one and started knitting.

Luckily,I have a lot of black yarn. Remember…I have a kid and a husband who wears nothing but black socks because as the song goes,“Blaaaaack socks,they never get dirty….”

(Oh…that’s right I started knitting a pair of black socks last weekend for Dylan. One is done. I guess I should decide to finish the other one….)

Also,after getting allllll the laundry in the house done (doing laundry for 7 people sucks, just so you know…) , I decided we all have entirely too many clothes. I decided that everyone was only allowed to keep what would fit in his or her dresser. Right now, the kids literally have drawers overflowing and are using clothes baskets as additional clothing storage space, as well as having them piled in stack on top of dressers and whatever flat space they can find. I decided the nice clothes will go to the consignment shop, the still good-with-lots-of-life-left-in-them clothes will be Freecycled and the rest will be turned into rag balls , used for reconstructed fashions or just cannibalized…

Cannibalized? I didn’t mean to write that.I meant scavenged. Scavenged for zippers,buttons,elastic,fabric,etc.

Anywhore…

After deciding this, I didn’t do half bad . Except…

18 years ago,I started saving baby clothes from each of my children. Not special clothes to pass on…just clothes that had a special  memory attached to it or just some that when i look at them they evoke that motherly sentimental feeling of childhood past. I’ve been saving these things to make a quilt - MY quilt. Everytime I go through the children’s clothing, I add some to the box labelled “Mama’s Quilt”.

By the time I was done sorting clothes,the box was  overflowing and broke. This led to me searching for a new bigger box. After failing,I decided it was time to convert the outgrown threads of childhood into hexagons. Afterall, scraps fit into a box easier than the entire article of clothing,right?

It occurred to me while cutting up fabric that I should really incorporate more fabric into my collage art so I decided that’s what I will do.

After knitting the second black sock,of course.

I should also mention that at some point during all of this,I decided it was a good idea to turn old vinyl records into flower pots. It was a good idea. Some of them turned out wonderfully. Some of them….um…well, I forgot i was making them and left them in the oven too long. Vinyl accidents aren’t pretty.

I sometimes feel like I am living,“If You Give A Mouse A Cookie”.

Yesterday the forecast said 2-4 inches of snow.I informed the kids that we were moving immediately before it hits. Seriously,I wish.

School’s delayed 2 hours. The Pseudo-Hubby has um…a “procedure”…. this morning… the one men over 40 are supposed to have.  I have another wedding to make paper for…pink with white flecks. 250 guests.I need to build a drying box.That’s the bones of our day ,in a nutshell.

I woke up this morning and was soooo excited to see that “Patches” is finally  going to a good home. I was about ready to take it out of the shop and give it to my Pseudo-Mother-in-Law for her birthday.

Now I have to figure out what else to get her.Hmmm….

Perks of the weekend included:

My mother brought me a box of drinking glasses late last summer. She bought them at a rummage sale, positive I would want them. They were the epitome of kitsch, though leaning more to the fugly side than the retro chic vibe I usually go for. These glasses with the Antebellum Lady dressed in a lavish pink and green dress, strolling under dogwoods with her parasol became affectionately known as The Ugly Glasses, as in,”Mom, can you get me one of the Ugly Glasses full of water?”

It became apparent that these glasses were not a good match for my household,as one after another shattered with barely a tap. They became off limits to kids but still , 12 Ugly Glasses were reduced quickly to only one remaining in our cupboard.

The last one met it’s demise yesterday. While washing dishes, I was trying my best to clean what appeared to be a ring of ice tea from inside. I heard a crunch and the same sound a knife makes as it tears into the flesh of raw chicken breast. I withdrew my hand from what was left of the glass and saw a huge chunk of scalloped skin hanging from my thumb.

I cleaned it and applied pressure.I removed the cloth to find a perfect letter “C” marked in red left behind where it was pressed against the scallop.

“How funny…it left the letter C cut into my hand. I wonder if that’s a sign!”, I wondered outloud.

Emily offered that the C could be for “crazy”. I was thinking “clutz”.

When in an injured state of mind, the Spanish alphabet means more to me than the English one. As I was searching my mind for meaningful words that start with the letter C, I glanced at the package of cheddar cheese on the counter that was destined for macaroni and cheese for dinner, and did not acknowledge that either cheddar nor cheese began with the letter C. It didn’t seem right at all, what with the h following the c.

Then Cookie Monster’s “C is for Cookie” song took over my brain and oddly enough, helped me breathe through the pain.Emily looked on,nervously laughing and poking fun at me for looking like I was in labor,what with all the funny breathing and all. Earlier in the day, my carpal tunnel caused me to drop a full bucket of paper slurry all over the floor. The scream I let out (that was a substitute for a string of obscenities not fit for children’s ears) drew laughter from all three children who were in the next room . “You sounded EXACTLY like the assassin dying in Diablo 2!”(I really wish I could find a soundbite for those who aren’t familiar with D2). It was a day for my hands to fail me and also entertain children with the manner I deal with frustration and pain.

Here I am today, handicapped and babying a wounded hand. I should have stitches but we’ll do some DIY Self-Care before going there. Non-insured,financially-challenged people like myself put off going to the ER until your insides are on the outside and/or death is eminent. Besides, I have this lovely curvey leather working needle I know would work well for stitching up a wound, if it came down to it and I am still capable of opening the bottle of rum with my good hand.I’m an excellent seamstress. The trick would just be to sew as well with my left hand as I do with my right.
Emily might be right.C could be for Crazy.

Now for the Letter of the Week : C (what else would it be?)

1. I will go months without visiting Craftster and then out of the blue, have a need to go there and then spend HOURS browsing.

2. My 2 favorite things,in a bar of soap - chocolate and coffee.MMMMM….

3. Switching to CFL Lightbulbs uses 1/3 the amount of energy a traditional lightbulb and lasts 10 times longer (which means it’ll save money AND help the planet)

4. Barb has a new Photoblog - Coming Unraveled

5. I’m reading Cordelia Underwood at the moment. It seemed like something my fluffy brain could handle right now.

:: The Current Stuff::
Reading:::shut up
Listening: ::Mike Doughty,Haughty Melodic. I don’t think there’s a single song I don’t love on that album
Watching(ed):::nada
Project:::get newest batch of paper dried and cut fabric for sundresses.

Let’s see…the weekend. Let me see if I can remember highlights.

Miss Maia lost her first tooth.
The Tooth Fairy now pays $5 for the first tooth. I feel gyped.No way I ever got $5 for a tooth when I was a kid!

Lilly has the strangest teeth.She grows new teeth behind the baby teeth so she’ll have a new tooth and a loose one simultaneously. Right now,she’s got one dangling and there’s clearly another tooth there too.

Yesterday….went to breakfast with my Grandma,mom and Dylan at the American Legion.

Yesterday morning the pink & purple paper I made on Friday sold on Etsy. I really loved the color of both of them:

Yesterday I made a batch of offwhite with green tea added, a batch of solid green, then green with yellow flecks then this really strange yellow-green that kind of looks like Gatorade.

Tomorrow is Bob’s surgery. He’s got to go pick up his Vicoden and other prescriptions today so he has it for afterwards. Whee. Gotta mail packages today (including the 2 dozen wipes for girl-interrupted ).

Ugh, kids. Doing nothing but squabbling this morning. I’ve totally lost track of what I wanted to say….